Cosmopolitan is usually a great source if you want horrible advice for sex or if you like women prattling on about nonsense, but every once in awhile they strike gold.
I would passionately state that I am a feminist. I am a strong, fiercely independent, and quite outspoken 21-year-old, and I want to be able to do what I want, when I want, without being judged for my choices…But I have always had a secret — one thing I was afraid to share for fear it would detract from my feminist identity.
I like rough sex. I am not talking Fifty Shades, “let-me-show-you-my playroom” rough, but I like when he slaps my breasts, when he spanks my ass, when he talks dirty in my ear, when he pulls my hair, and — yes — when he comes all over my face. Sex is a time for me to have fun and be adventurous, and I love the titillating unpredictability of giving control to my partner.
See, THAT’S gold. There’s nothing wrong with sexual preferences, and the fact that she’s felt that she needs to hide them speaks volumes. She’s not afraid of letting her kink flag fly because she’s worried that normal people will think she’s strange, she’s worried that the feminist community would ostracize her because of what she naturally enjoys. She’s worried that if other women knew that she liked temporarily giving control to a man in the bedroom, that’s she’d be judged as a “bad feminist.”
She goes on:
I’ve kept this part of my personality secret because, again and again, I’ve heard people say that rough sex is degrading to women. I certainly don’t want to encourage the societal subjugation of women — and rough sex should never cross over into abuse — but my sexual preferences don’t affect you. Just because hair pulling and spanking turns me on doesn’t mean I’m giving up on equality — it’s simply what brings me sexual satisfaction. It makes me feel powerful to tell someone my fantasy and have it realized. It is a fantasy after all.
It baffles me when women who identify themselves as feminist attack others for their sexual preferences. If feminism arose from women’s lack of choice, why, then, do you invalidate other women’s choices? It is my body and I am going to do what I want with it, not what will fit into anyone else’s ideas about what sex should be. If my sexual interactions are based in respect and consent, who’s to say I can’t have my partner hold my head back and give me a hot facial? Sex is too important to spend our lives faking it.
I don’t want anyone telling me what I am supposed to and not supposed to enjoy as a feminist or as a woman. Regardless of sexual desires, no one is qualified to judge my consensual activities that take place in private. In other words, if you don’t judge me enjoying a good spanking (and I enjoy a good spanking), I won’t judge you for liking missionary.
She touches on a very important point that seems to escape feminists: If it’s truly my body, and what I do is truly my choice, I should be able to choose to do something that you disagree with.
What a simple concept! You’d think those standing up to “liberate” women would be able to grasp something so basic and intuitive.
Lastly, what a parting shot she gave! She basically said “I’ll have my fun, and won’t judge you for being boring.”